what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
