First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
