You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
