I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wish my penis had a tongue
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
