I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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