just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
