i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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