Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
