i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
