She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
