Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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