New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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