Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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