textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
