# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
