I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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