why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
