nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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