I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize