So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
