Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
