Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
