I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
