I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
