i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
