Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
