Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
