Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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