I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
