why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
