i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
