yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
