I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
