and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
