If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
