My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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