you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize