upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
