it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
