If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
ttyl tear gas
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
