Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Duck Duck Cougar?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
