This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
