Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
