I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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