All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
