this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
