if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize