i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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