i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
