You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
