Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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