very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
