You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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