i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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