Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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