she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
