I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
