dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
