I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
where am i from again
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
