I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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