please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
