It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize