NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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