i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need to calm my uterus...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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