my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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