There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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