he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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