During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
