The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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