Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
