In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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