In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
