ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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