I need help removing her.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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