My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
