OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
