Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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