I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
