the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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