Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
