sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
