butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
