like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
