I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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