Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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